* after having been extremely ill, thankfully i was still able to go to korah and spend one on one time with some of the children....throwing up 8 times and not being able to hold any fluids down for nearly 10 hours, in the extreme heat proved to make me very dehydrated and weak....thankfully, i had lots of down time with some of the weakest and sickest children at korah...
haley and i have been back home from ethiopia for 5 weeks...5 weeks today.... and yet, we're both not home....not yet anyways.....both of our hearts are really stuck in africa..... with the orphans and countless vulnerable children we encountered....we expected to come in contact and minister to about 1200, but had many days when the actual # we were expecting, doubled....from 25 the first day to 475 on the second and so on....so this post will be the ramblings of my heart....my minds' thoughts and the questions that i'm processing and pondering.... and the pictures that beg for these questions to be answered....
my heart was stolen by this little girl...i held her almost all day...she was sick.... she most likely is still sick...and if i had to guess, probably with HIV....we were told that every child at the hands for the needy project in korah has it....i don't know if that's true or if it is true and my mind just can't wrap around it... but i know there were alot of sick kids there that day, and then there were others, that seemed totally fine and healthy....
..... it was fitting and i believe, providential, that i had been so ill that i just needed to be still, as i was extremely weak from whatever violent illness took over my body for 12 hours.....the smell of the special food that we were to serve the children made me nauseous...so i just sat....with this little one....she pushed away the plate they brought her meal on....likely the only meal she would eat that day.....did she even get to eat yesterday? she pushed away the nourishment her tiny little body needs....it broke my heart...i willed her to eat inside of myself and prayed that she would...i tried to encourage her, but she just turned away.....so instead, i pulled her closer, and let her just be....while the other little ones her age, wolfed down a man sized portion of injera with wat that had goat meat in it....a true feast for them....she just sat.... snuggled up beside me with her sad eyes...sad, empty, hurting eyes.... i just wanted to make her ok....to give her something that could make her better....medicine.....love....
Jesus, i would give anything for her healing.
i determined right then and there that i had to find hope to believe in for that little girl....i have since begun to educate myself about HIV in these few short weeks..and i know i've just tapped the surface.....in children, with the proper meds, HIV will become 99% undetectable in their little bodies....HIV has never been passed within a normal family setting....people with HIV that receive meds have a normal life expectancy....a life....they can live with HIV...all they need is meds.....but the cost of meds is exorbitant right? maybe....depends on your state laws i guess....alot of state laws, state that anyone who has HIV, the insurance policy has to cover the meds, although co-pays may apply.....so that means that if the meds were say... over $2000 a month... by law, insurance has to pay except for the regular co-pay.... this is amazing to me that i didn't know any of this info! sorry i'm on this soapbox, but not really.....this one little girl has changed the way i think.... i no longer have my head in the sand and ignorant to the realities of millions.....so when dell asked me how many kids i wished i could bring home with me or adopt, the answer was quick......it was simple.....the ones that have HIV.....the ones that need life giving medicine....the medicine that can save the lives of literally, millions of innocents....passed on this deadly disease by simply being born.....the ones that have special needs....the untouchables.....
oh this girl..... what can i say? how was it that i was blessed with her? i am so thankful.... she has the most beautiful heart and soul.....and ok.....i'm crying now.......this girl who couldn't go inside with the sponsored kids because,"I won't just leave them out here by themselves." this girl who says,"i don't really want to go home... i want to stay here with these kids." this girl who confides that," everytime i think about ethiopia and those kids, i just want to be there right now."~ " I have everything a kid could ask for."~ "God made the poor people to love so much more than the richer." ~ to jordy.. "there are kids in ethiopia who have no food today and they don't know when they'll eat again....stop complaining." "I wish the days weren't as fast here...the days went by so slow and were so full in ethiopia...i like that better."
my heart......my mind .....they have a hard time wrapping around the depth of her soul and how she is feeling and how she is processing everything..... i feel overwhelmed with thankfulness to the Lord for meeting her in ethiopia and for filling her heart with great love and compassion....i truly believe when she says she's going back, she truly means it...i feel overwhelmed and humbled to the posture of my knees, with the responsibility of leading her right now and helping her...helping her to guard her heart and to keep all of this holy passion she's got burning for those children alive...for a purpose that is bigger than herself......how do i challenge her ? how do i encourage her? i have alot of learning to do and i have alot of processing left to do as well, but i am so thankful that God ordained for us to walk this journey together...
God, may you be haley's ever guiding light and that her love for other's will always burn second after her love for You.
and i told you i would ramble because you have to ramble, i'm convinced, in order to process..... so i'm gettin it out!!!
i'm reading this book, 7: an experimental mutiny against excess. i highly recommend it if (1)you promise not to compare yourself to her and to solely ask the Lord to convict you, and not her (2)try to be like her and do everything exactly like her... this book is so not about legalism so don't make it about that (3) you are ready to really think about your excess and consumption and the reasons for it and actually want to be inspired to do something about your junk... ok...ok...don't take it personally...i know you've got nice stuff, but God's teaching me that my stuff is really junkin up my life and it's time to clear the junk in order to hear and serve Him better.
i wanted to read it before Christmas but it didn't happen...then, when the trip to ethiopia came up and I saw how God was orchestrating a beautiful symphony for haley and i in our trip across the world, i knew that this was to be the follow-up...the homework....the roll- up- your -sleeves- and -get- to- work- change i so wanted and needed....i had already been feeling convicted about our excess and distractions (among other things) for the last 6 months of 2012....but i did little about it....you know the old saying," the wheel of good intentions must meet the road of life," so i tucked this convicting-kick-in-the-butt-heaven-sent-just-for-me-challenge away on the shelf beside my bed for the time when i got home from africa.... and you know what? i didn't need that little book to jump start my overhaul....God did it on His own... in. my. face. straight up, pointed out some of my junk...my waste...my excess....
the above picture shows some shoeless and, might as well be shoeless little boys....that is what stared me in the face every day that i spent with these littles.... the stark difference struck me while i played with them.....he walked out the end of his shoes probably 2 years ago while i have so many pairs of shoes, that i could probably outfit his small village mamas' with some pretty sweet kicks!... and....as shallow as it is.....as backwoods and down to earth kind of a girl that i am..... for a reason i don't understand .........i have a big love of shoes!! so dumb!!!! but i can't help it.... ..but yes i can.... i have WAY TOO many pairs of shoes....so, although i'll never turn up shoeless anywhere, and i won't limit myself to only owning one pair of shoes "cause that's how the majority of the world lives," i already gave away a bunch..... and that's just from the one basket in the closet...i still need to go through the other 2 and then the porch.....yes....i know...i have too many pairs of shoes.....dell tells me everyday...... i guess, with shoes,this really is gonna be a process and not a revolution cause i like shoes!! :)
this sweet, crippled,17 year old girl begged me to bring her home with me....her dad was dead, her mom on her deathbed, she had no shoes, asked for my only pair, stuck beside me and the little sick girl all day and cried when i hugged her bye....i'm thankful for many things about these unexpected questions she proposed....
* that we had a little 10 year old "translator": he understood her, and understood me a little and was key to our communication.
*that God covered my heart so I wouldn't become overwhelmed by the hard things she asked of me...that i was able to tell her i loved her and hug her and meet some of her material needs by giving her shoes and clothes.
* that we took pictures together over and over and laughed and laughed at ourselves.
* that i surprisingly loved it when she kept petting my hair and smelling it and holding her hair next to it. (that's major growth from past years, people.)
* that at hands for the needy, she knows is cared for, accepted and safe despite her disabilities. thank God for a place like that to shelter her from abuse.
"Heaven in the desert"~ that's what the leader at trees of glory care point calls it.... and i'll tell you....it is.....these kids are healthy, they are happy, they are cared for, they are clean, they are safe, they are well fed, they are cherished, they are loved and they are blessed!
i couldn't believe that's what my heart and mind first felt upon arriving there...i couldn't believe i could ever feel that about orphans.... but it's so true! they are!!! and i rejoice with them!!!!
this is what sponsorship does through Children's HopeChest.... this carepoint is fully sponsored by a church community and has changed and probably saved the lives of these orphans and vulnerable children! i am so excited to see how the carepoint, my sponsor child is at, can grow through partnership.....sponsorship brings hope and life to children....it matters... it changes everything for them....thank you Jesus for Your Good News that has been brought to these children!
a few of the amazing men at Children's HopeChest Ethiopia....i am so very, very thankful for the work they do for Christ's kingdom every day of their lives and for the deep, deep love, excitement, passion and hope they have and for the advocates they are for their people....
God, may you bless the work of their hands as they seek to be Your hands and feet and reach the most vulnerable in their great and beautiful country, Ethiopia. that their fruit will be abundant and overflowing and that their cup will overflow with your blessing on them and their families. that they will run and not grow weary, that they will serve to the uttermost. help me to love and serve like that....thank you for their great example. protect them with your Holy Spirit. Amen.
one of my favorite pictures of our trip....this is love....this is beautiful...
mama's love their babies and are proud of them no matter what continent you're from and even though we couldn't understand each other, she understood that haley was my baby and that i thought her baby was beautiful.... hers was one of the best hugs of the trip as well....i can't wait for heaven to hug her again!
this boy has inspired this mama.... to gather 400 shirts of different children's sizes to send to the chapa carepoint and community where our sponsor child is from.....this is an unsponsored child within the community.....he is considered one of the more fortunate kids in that community and for that i am very thankful because that means he has a family....but jordy has probably 40 shirts at least that he dosn't need and these 2 parallels don't match up....i can find 400 shirts for the Chapa community.... it's as good as done!
love abounds.
so many beautiful faces, and eyes, and hands and souls .....they have reached mine and
taken hold.
this is going to take awhile...this processing....but i pray that you'll hear my heart...the excitement and hope and rejoicing that i feel i have been given through this journey....check out this word from Micah Bournes.... be encouraged in the truth that God hasn't called us to save Africa....to fix them.... or any other country for that matter...it would be a travesty to try to westernize that wonderful people and land that God Himself formed and made.....they are beautiful, they are strong and He's called us to stand WITH them and to SERVE them and GIVE our support to our brothers and sisters in need.... to give of ourselves and our resources and to love others with abandon.....
so there are my ramblings for today...my heart partially exposed...there is a wellspring bubbling....ever-so-slowly and springing forth....out of the depths i don't yet fully understand ..... my life, however, lifted up to Him who does... with open hands to do with as He will.
